Ironic, isn't it?

It's been said by people who say such things that the word "irony" is the most misused word in the English language. So to help clarify for the linguistically impaired, here are some examples of irony.

Alanis Morisette's song "Isn't It Ironic" from the sensational album Jagged Little Pill:
The lyrics of this once-ubiquitous girl power anthem include such gems as "It's like rain on your wedding day / It's a free ride when you've already paid / It's some good advice that you just didn't take / And who would have thought? It figgers..." Clearly, these are not ironic situations. Rain on your wedding day? Don't get married in spring, moron. Free ride when you've already paid? Check the bus schedule for Free Tuesday deals before you mindlessly dump your tokens into that coin slot. Good advice that you just didn't take? Maybe you should listen to that oracle next time. Who would have thought?

I submit to you that this song is a sublime example of irony. None of the situations described in the song are ironic. They are merely unfortunate or at best the kind of things you secretly wish would happen to that annoying teller at the bank who seems to bathe in Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds cologne. May she rest in peace, but for God's sake let's bury that perfume recipe in the deepest hole in the earth.

So the irony in Alanis Morisette's song is that there is nothing at all ironic about the things she claims are ironic. Either she is a clever lyricist or her record label figgered most Americans don't know the meaning of the word irony either. If anyone knows her personally, ask her. I bet she claims it was on purpose, like she knew it all along.

Here is an example of irony. Little Timmy falls down a well, and Lassie runs to the farmhouse to alert the family of the crisis by barking her head off as usual. A visiting veterinarian, fluent in canine linguistics, is able to translate Lassie's message. "Oh no! Jiggling whinny is calling from hell!" he relays to the horrified household. The family rushes to find the apparently open mouth of Hell that has swallowed their obese horse. Meanwhile, Timmy languishes at the bottom of the pit, because it turns out Lassie has a speech impediment.

-AJ